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The Conservative Constitution of the United States

January 11, 2011

The Conservative Constitution of the United States.

Sometimes when reading the national fish wraps you come across stuff that just floors you, usually it is when the NY Times runs out of Kool-Aid and they let a story slip that actually seems to be unbiased, but sometimes it is like this opinion piece by David Cole, which is the exact opposite.

All I can say David is you must be proud when your column is carried by, which for the uninitiated is a big time commie web site.  Or…the Washington Post should be ashamed, I can’t decide.  Anyway, let’s see what fiction David has drummed up for us:

House members opened the 112th Congress on Thursday by reading aloud the Constitution, presumably as a first step toward fulfilling the tea party’s goal of “restoring” our nation’s founding document. However, an alternative text, obtained by this author, David Cole, via WikiLeaks, has reportedly begun circulating in secret among incoming GOP lawmakers, representing the Constitution they hope to read aloud when the 113th Congress begins. Here, revealed in public for the first time, is the Conservative Constitution of the United States of Real America:

That is his intolerably witty lead.  Anyone interested in what this Conservative Constitution says?

Congress shall have only the powers literally, specifically and expressly granted herein, and no others. That means definitely, without question, absolutely, no regulation of the Health Insurance or Financial Services industries.

The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, elected not directly by the People, but by other people whom the People have elected to better represent the People.

Any law enacted by Congress and signed by the President may be overturned by the vote of three or more States if they find it burdensome, offensive, annoying or in any way touching on Health Insurance, Property Rights or Guns.

You get the feeling he likes Obamacare?  And bailouts?  Have no clue where the three state thing is coming from, but hey, he’s a commie, they have a tendency to foam at the mouth and impersonate Anne Margaret.  So…back to the Constitution:

No person except a natural-born Citizen who can produce video, photographic or eyewitness evidence of birth in a non-island American State shall be eligible to the Office of President.

Hmm, is he trying to suggest Obama could not possibly be eligible to be President?  Oh David, you crazy birther you!

Judges shall strictly construe this Constitution, and we mean strictly, and shall under no circumstances cite, refer to, read or mention at cocktail parties or cookouts any principle or provision of International Law.

Okay, I have to admit, not really bothered by this one at all.

You ready for how progressives can’t help but make themselves look like utter weenies?

The right to bear Semi-Automatic Weapons, AK-47s or Bazookas shall not be infringed by background checks, safety locks, age limits or common sense.

Bazookas?  Seriously David, that is a WWII weapon, dumbass.  Oh, and I haven’t seen an aftermarket “safety lock” for my bazooka, but if you can point me to a manufacturer, I would be happy to purchase one before you wet your Joseph Stalin underoos.

One more quote, than I am done with this trash:

All persons born or naturalized in the United States are Citizens of the United States of Real America only if their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents were Citizens, and only if they pledge opposition to Health Insurance Reform or New Taxation. Any Citizen convicted of providing material support to Terrorist organizations, wearing clothing bearing images created by Shepard Fairey, or displaying Nancy Pelosi bumper stickers shall be stripped of Citizenship.

So let me see David, you approve of people providing material support to terrorist organizations (notice he capitalized terrorist, hmmm, interesting)?  Have to admit, I had to look up the Shepard Fairey reference – he is the douche that made the Obama “Hope” poster.

Did I mention David is a commie?  I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you, but howabout this little fact about David you might not be aware of – he is a constitutional law professor at Georgetown.  Nice to know his students are getting an unbiased education, eh comrades?  To be fair, it doesn’t say whose constitution he teaches, from the looks of it, I am guessing the Stalin Constitution.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 11, 2011 11:39 am

    **or displaying Nancy Pelosi bumper stickers shall be stripped of Citizenship.**

    I don’t see a problem with this provision. 😉

    • January 11, 2011 7:38 pm

      Yeah, i was a little confused myself. lol

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