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Happy Father’s Day

June 19, 2011

To all the dad’s (including a very good one I call “Dad”)out there that stick with their families and do the best they can by their kids, I offer you some funny jokes about fatherhood.

  • Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say

    10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

    9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

    8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.

    7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY.

    6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

    5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.

    4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

    3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

    2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

    1. Father’s Day? aahh — don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal.

  • The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?” Five small voices answered in unison, “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”
  • Parent’s Dictionary of Meanings

    DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

    FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

    FULL NAME: what you call your child when you’re mad at him.

    GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

    HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

    INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

    OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings

    PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

    SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

    STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

    TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

    TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

    VERBAL: able to whine in words

    WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house

  • A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

    “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

    “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grown ups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to believe in!”

Happy Father’s Day Folks!  =)


8 Comments leave one →
  1. June 19, 2011 8:15 pm

    I hope that you had a wonderful Father’s Day.

    • June 20, 2011 1:14 pm

      And you as well my friend. =)

  2. June 19, 2011 9:52 pm

    Father’s Day has more collect calls than any other date.

    • June 20, 2011 1:14 pm

      Go figure, lol.

  3. June 19, 2011 11:28 pm

    Fleece, I know you’ll like this one:

    • June 20, 2011 1:16 pm

      Yeah, I caught this on your site, very good. =)

      Why does the narrator look familiar?

  4. June 20, 2011 4:06 am

    I got another one for ya’….TO YOUR CHILDREN: “There is nothing in the realm of possibilities that your mind can conceive, that I haven’t already done”.

    Hope you had a happy one Dad…Aloha From Sunny South Florida!

    • June 20, 2011 1:16 pm

      Hey, thanks for dropping by and commenting. =) Hope you had a great father’s day as well!

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